A Good friend we will call Dave, sent this one to me.

ONE MAN'S STORY...If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you.

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary: For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. Old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY: Started my day at 6 am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!!She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.She said some other stuff too.

THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to workout with dumb bells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY: I hate Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. That stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY: I'm having the church van pick me up for services today because I'm so sore I can no longer start the car. Thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife, will choose a gift for me that is fun--like a root canal or a vasectomy.

Our Christmas 2006 Trip

Took us awhile to get this to paper, but its never to late.

We left the comfort of G-Whiz at 5:00 am, Dec. 13 for a 15-hour straight through drive to Odessa, TX.

Not a lot to say about the trip, other than we had been so busy with “life” that the chance to sit and talk together was a blessing. Gary did most of the driving, Mary Kay sat in the passenger seat surfing the Internet. Isn’t technology great?

Around lunch, nearing East Texas, we deciding to give Mary Kay’s Brother and Sister-in-Law a ring. Figured to have a quick bite with them before continuing down the road. TWO HOURS later, we left Jim and Beth. The huge delay was offset by the fantastic and totally worth it, visit.

Passing through Big Spring, TX. It finally hit us. “ THE SMELL OF MONEY”. Those of you from West Texas know what we are talking about. For the rest of you, oil fills the West Texas air, when you live there you don’t smell it, but leave for just a couple days, and the smell hits you in the face.

Finally arrived in Odessa, around 9:30 pm. Going to crash at Daughter Lindsey and new Hubby Josh’s for our visit. Stayed up for several more hours catching up.

We were able to have lunch with more of our friends and do more visiting.
Bryan and Leslie’s plane arrived on Thursday, Dec. 14, Lindsey and Josh picked them up while we were at the CareStar Christmas party. Good to see the gang again!

Saturday night was spent with our old Sunday School Class. We miss them so much and had a wonderful time playing games and eating which is what good Baptist do.

After church at Belmont Baptist, it was off to Mary Kay’s Mom and Dad in Eunice, New Mexico. We had our Christmas with brother Wes, Mom, Dad, son Bryan, and daughters Leslie and Lindsey.

We are off Wednesday morning bright and early, again at 5 am to take Bryan and Leslie to Amarillo, TX to meet Leslie’s Dad. He will take them to her Grandma’s so they can spend Christmas with them before they go overseas for the next 3 years. That is another story we will keep you posted on.

Finally, we apologize to any and all that we missed during our quick visit. Everyone should understand, no matter how much time you think you have to visit, it just isn’t enough. To those that we did get the chance to say hi to, it was great to see you all again.

Till next time, Love Captain Gary and First Mate Mary Kay, back aboard our Good Ship, G-Whiz.

Check out http://www.houseboatgwhiz.com/otherpictures.htm for some pictures.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

After serious & cautious consideration.....your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2007!

My Wish for You in 2007:
May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.

May the problems you had, forget your home address!

In simple words, may 2007 be the best year of your life.