The Adventures of the Houseboat G-Whiz

Bird Feeder

2007-09-04T11:50:00.000-05:00

I bought a bird feeder.

I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed.

What a beauty of a bird feeder it is was, I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table...everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be...quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let's see..... our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands.

Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to "press one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than "Old Glory" are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder. If you don't agree, continue cleaning up the poop!

THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

2007-05-08T08:48:00.000-05:00

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

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UPDATED VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake. Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share. Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients. The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote

JUST SUPPOSE

2007-02-14T19:28:00.000-05:00

JUST SUPPOSE that at every ball game, graduation, prom, etc, someone who has had enough of stupid, anti historical court decisions had the guts to start reciting the Lord's Prayer loudly, and others joined in, then more, until hundreds participated.

JUST SUPPOSE this spread all over our land until this became standard practice in hundreds of schools, then thousands, then tens of thousands.

Just what would local school boards do? Expel half the student body? (They need their jobs and federal funding far too much to do that.) What would a Federal district court do? Order hundreds of nonviolent, decent minors jailed? Or thousands?

Just what would the Supreme Court do about it - issue more edicts?

What if millions decided the Supreme Court was out of its league and said, "So what?"

JUST SUPPOSE hundreds of brave school board members, local judges, prosecutors, and others, each in their own area of authority, refused to intervene, realizing that we have already tried it the other way, and the result was a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah of immorality and senseless violence.

JUST SUPPOSE this then spread next into classroom after classroom, And either a brave student or a brave teacher started the Lord's Prayer (or Psalm 100, or a Bible reading, etc.) each morning, until hundreds of thousands stood up and did their part and stopped cowering before the destructive, God-hating secular attitudes of the pagan minority who parrot the media line.

JUST SUPPOSE every God-fearing Christian participated-peacefully, nonviolently, but firmly and continually. Where would they get enough jails to hold us all? How would they prosecute hundreds of thousands?

It is far more than the government can do to even stop the flow of illegal drugs, despite their best efforts, and overcrowded jails.

Hardened criminals walk after doing only half of their sentence to ease jail crowding. Even if they try to pick on a handful to make examples of them,

What if hundreds of thousands stood up to the tyranny of the minority and demanded their freedom of religion back? They can't build enough jails or courts to begin to deal with such a movement.

During the Civil Rights battles of the 60's, some of the black people decided they had had enough and stood up to the system-a few dozen here, a few hundred there-and eventually the whole country heard, and repented, and changed. Racial repression was an evil whose time was over.

But now, there is another battle-and the stakes are even higher. The future of all children, white, black, and otherwise, is at stake. No other country on earth allows a tiny minority of impractical anti-religious bigots to censor their people's right to free religious expression. Even Russian public schools show videos of the life and teachings of Jesus now.

We tend to get exactly the kind of government we deserve.

If you make a time line or a graph, you will see that the exponential increase in public school violence, pregnancy, and foul language all started at exactly the time the Supreme Court threw prayer and Bible reading out of the schools.

We told God we didn't need Him, and the results speak for themselves.

JUST SUPPOSE hundreds of Christians passed this message on to all their friends, leaders and contacts.

JUST SUPPOSE hundreds of churches, organizations and ministries passed this message on to their constituencies with a request to reprint, repost and repeat it wherever possible.

JUST SUPPOSE you are a lighthouse. Once upon a time the Church was the moral conscience and spiritual lighthouse of the nation. Now, most congregations are impotent, pusillanimous minor-league social welfare agencies or mutual comfort societies with no impact on the world around their little enclave.

JUST SUPPOSE-What do you suppose you should do?

JUST SUPPOSE that you TAKE ACTION, PASS THIS ON, OR JUST SIMPLY READ IT AND DO NOTHING

A Good friend we will call Dave, sent this one to me.

2007-01-29T11:22:00.000-05:00

ONE MAN'S STORY...If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you.

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary: For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. Old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY: Started my day at 6 am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!!She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.She said some other stuff too.

THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to workout with dumb bells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY: I hate Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. That stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY: I'm having the church van pick me up for services today because I'm so sore I can no longer start the car. Thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife, will choose a gift for me that is fun--like a root canal or a vasectomy.

Our Christmas 2006 Trip

2007-01-20T23:53:00.000-05:00

Took us awhile to get this to paper, but its never to late.

We left the comfort of G-Whiz at 5:00 am, Dec. 13 for a 15-hour straight through drive to Odessa, TX.

Not a lot to say about the trip, other than we had been so busy with “life” that the chance to sit and talk together was a blessing. Gary did most of the driving, Mary Kay sat in the passenger seat surfing the Internet. Isn’t technology great?

Around lunch, nearing East Texas, we deciding to give Mary Kay’s Brother and Sister-in-Law a ring. Figured to have a quick bite with them before continuing down the road. TWO HOURS later, we left Jim and Beth. The huge delay was offset by the fantastic and totally worth it, visit.

Passing through Big Spring, TX. It finally hit us. “ THE SMELL OF MONEY”. Those of you from West Texas know what we are talking about. For the rest of you, oil fills the West Texas air, when you live there you don’t smell it, but leave for just a couple days, and the smell hits you in the face.

Finally arrived in Odessa, around 9:30 pm. Going to crash at Daughter Lindsey and new Hubby Josh’s for our visit. Stayed up for several more hours catching up.

We were able to have lunch with more of our friends and do more visiting.
Bryan and Leslie’s plane arrived on Thursday, Dec. 14, Lindsey and Josh picked them up while we were at the CareStar Christmas party. Good to see the gang again!

Saturday night was spent with our old Sunday School Class. We miss them so much and had a wonderful time playing games and eating which is what good Baptist do.

After church at Belmont Baptist, it was off to Mary Kay’s Mom and Dad in Eunice, New Mexico. We had our Christmas with brother Wes, Mom, Dad, son Bryan, and daughters Leslie and Lindsey.

We are off Wednesday morning bright and early, again at 5 am to take Bryan and Leslie to Amarillo, TX to meet Leslie’s Dad. He will take them to her Grandma’s so they can spend Christmas with them before they go overseas for the next 3 years. That is another story we will keep you posted on.

Finally, we apologize to any and all that we missed during our quick visit. Everyone should understand, no matter how much time you think you have to visit, it just isn’t enough. To those that we did get the chance to say hi to, it was great to see you all again.

Till next time, Love Captain Gary and First Mate Mary Kay, back aboard our Good Ship, G-Whiz.

Check out http://www.houseboatgwhiz.com/otherpictures.htm for some pictures.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2007-01-01T12:25:00.000-05:00

After serious & cautious consideration.....your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2007!

My Wish for You in 2007:
May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.

May the problems you had, forget your home address!

In simple words, may 2007 be the best year of your life.

2006-12-11T07:24:00.000-05:00

MERCY AIR - Dec 10, 2006

2006-11-29T22:04:00.000-05:00

GOD SAID NO

2006-11-27T22:07:00.000-05:00

I asked God to take away my habit. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; It isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No. I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares And brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No. You must grow on your own! But I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me. God said..Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

May God Bless You,

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world"

"May the Lord Bless you and keep you, May the Lord Make his face shine upon you, And give you Peace.....Forever"

"Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, But you know they are always there

2006-11-22T22:09:00.000-05:00

WOW!!!

We just had a weekend full of activity and it didn’t involve G-Whiz.

Paula, Gary’s sister, had all her kids (PB&J) (Phillip, Bonnie & Josh) travel to Tennessee for a visit. Having all her kids for the weekend was just what she needed.

First fun was having Josh jump out the trunk, he told his Mom he couldn’t make the trip. So it was quite the surprise for Paula.

Spent Friday Downtown Nashville, you know walking around Broadway and 2nd area. Showing all the important stuff, The Ryman, The Gaylord Entertainment Center, Music Row, and stopped by Paula’s new work, to show off her kids to Paula’s co-workers. Made the drive over to the Opry Mills Mall, and then spent several hours walking around the Opryland Hotel. All the Christmas lights were up, and the Hotel Lobby never stops impressing everyone.

Saturday was spent driving go-carts, Paula cheated!!! Laser tag, Bonnie cheated!!! And bowling, Bonnie cheated!!! If you haven’t figured it out yet, I didn’t win at anything, so they all must have cheated?
Check out the web site for pictures; http://www.houseboatgwhiz.com/otherpictures.htm

Mary's Lamb

2006-11-11T14:51:00.000-05:00

Here is something to think about.

More people have to start speaking out,

and stop worrying about being politically correct

to placate the various small minorities.

What do you think?

Think carefully about what you will be reading.

Mary had a little Lamb,
His fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The Lamb was sure to go.

He followed her to school each day,
T'wasn't even in the rule.
It made the children laugh and play,
To have a Lamb at school.

And then the rules all changed one day,
Illegal it became;
To bring the Lamb of God to school,
Or even speak His Name!

Every day got worse and worse,
And days turned into years.
Instead of hearing children laugh,
We heard gun shots and tears.

What must we do to stop the crime?
That's in our schools today?
Let's let the Lamb come back to school,
And teach our kids to pray!

It is said that 86% of Canadian, American & British people believe in God.
Why don't we just tell the other 14% to be quiet and sit down????

Constitutional Amendment bans homosexual marriage

2006-11-09T08:41:00.000-05:00

Bless you,

On November 7, over 80% of Tennessee voters approved a constitutional amendment to ban homosexual marriages.

Homosexual leaders have failed to make Tennessee the first state to reject the ban, thus closing the door for homosexual marriage.

I thank all family, friends, Sunday School class members, church members, etc. - that made the special effort to vote.

Tennessee has made their beliefs clear. "Marriage is between one man and one woman."

TEXAS CHILI COOK-OFF

2006-10-31T22:21:00.000-05:00

THE TALE OF THE SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS CHILI COOK-OFF

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly.

If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook Off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili Taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
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CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- WOW!!!, what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
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CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge #2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
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CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting drunk from all of the beer.
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CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT. Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
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CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics.
The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Forget those rednecks.
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CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they?ll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing its too painful. Forget it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report

This has been a long time in coming. Sorry I'm not laughing.

2006-10-26T22:39:00.000-05:00

Wally and Brit's Visit

2006-10-26T14:13:00.000-05:00

Mary Kay's Mom and Dad just left after 5 wonderful days aboard the good ship, G-Whiz. The weather was pure miserable when they arrived. That quickly changed, and although the temps were a bit chilly, the sun never stopped shining.

Day two we visited the local Mennonite Village, meet some real down to earth folks. Shopped at the little Cane Creek Village Market. Continued the day with a beautiful drive thru the country, fall colors are at their peak and the site is indescribable. Ended up with a great dinner with great friends. Tom and Mary Lee, our new marina friends, just happen to own a local Waverly restaurant, Marble Oaks. (PLUG) Had a Catfish Dinner and Blackberry Cobbler that was to die for.

Day three, took our good friend, G-Whiz, out for float, up and down the Tennessee River. Brit had never been on a boat and was a bit nervous. Just like a little kid, that you have to convince to try something new, quote "that was fun I could have stayed out for hours more".

Day Four, no visit would be complete without a day with our Lord. Introduced Wally and Brit to our new church, Lobelville First Baptist. Incredible sermon with Pastor Ronnie Brewer, and fabulous fellowship with the church body. Wally and Brit were very impressed of the true love and warmth displayed. Spent the rest of the Sunday afternoon the way good Baptists should, we ate! Watched a bit of the NFL and took restful naps.

Day five, if your looking for an interesting Nashville site, try The Gaylord Opryland Hotel. Ok, you say a hotel? This ain't your ordinary hotel. The lobby is over 10 football fields of waterfalls, a flowing river, and tropical plants from thoughout the world. More than 2800 rooms, many of which have balconies overlooking the beautiful lobby. Had a quick visit with Gary's sister Paula, and drove around the downtown Nashville area.

Finally had to say Good-bye. Like everyone else, we sat planning the next visit. G-Whiz has that strange effect on people, the life on the water just beckons you to return. See ya'll, at the next Adventure of G-Whiz.

First Entry

2006-10-25T13:38:00.000-05:00

Welcome to our Blog, this is the first entry. I plan on adding more and more. Stay tuned to The Adventures of G-Whiz and her Captian and First Mate.